30: Only when Orihime looks at the stars of Soul Society and realizes they are not the same as in her world, does she realize Tatsuki really can't search for her here.
What you'd want is...
Only when Orihime looks at the stars of Soul Society, recognizing they are not the same as in her world, does she realize Tatsuki really can't search for her here.
That sentence was hard! I had to read it over a hundred times to figure out why it sounded odd, so I fixed it as best I could. I changed the first 'realize' into 'recognize' because of writer-habits of my own. ^_^;;
16: "I'll never let one of these girls hurt you again," said Tatsuki when they were younger ; "I'll never let one of these girls hurt you again," would like to say Orihime, if she wouldn't feel so powerless.
Try this:
"I'll never let one of these girls hurt you again," said Tatsuki when they were younger ; "I'll never let one of these girls hurt you again," Orihime would like to say, if she didn't feel so powerless.
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Date: 2006-01-21 03:55 pm (UTC)What you'd want is...
Only when Orihime looks at the stars of Soul Society, recognizing they are not the same as in her world, does she realize Tatsuki really can't search for her here.
That sentence was hard! I had to read it over a hundred times to figure out why it sounded odd, so I fixed it as best I could. I changed the first 'realize' into 'recognize' because of writer-habits of my own. ^_^;;
16: "I'll never let one of these girls hurt you again," said Tatsuki when they were younger ; "I'll never let one of these girls hurt you again," would like to say Orihime, if she wouldn't feel so powerless.
Try this:
"I'll never let one of these girls hurt you again," said Tatsuki when they were younger ; "I'll never let one of these girls hurt you again," Orihime would like to say, if she didn't feel so powerless.